[Mimic#5&Booknotes]Falling in Love_Chelsea

Fall in Love Anne Worner by creative commmons from Flickr

Excerpts from Falling in Love by Ayala Malach Pines

• I cannot end the discussion of stage theories of love without mentioning my favorite theory proposed by one of Italy's great sociologists, Fancesco Alberoni. According to Alberoni, the significant stages of a romantic relationship are simply "falling in love" and "love". If falling in love is like taking off or flying, then love is like landing. Falling in love is being high above the clouds. Love is standing firmly on the ground. If falling in love is like a flower, then love is like a fruit. The fruit comes from the flower, but they are two different things. "And there is really no point in asking if the flower is better than the fruit or vice versa. By the same token, there is no flower is point in asking whether the nascent sate is better than the institution. One does not exist without the other. Life is made of both."

• Most of the men, as compared to less than half of the women, mentioned physical appearance as triggering the initial attraction to their partners. Further more, men described physical appearance as playing a far more significant role in their romantic attractions. (it's noteworthy that the gender difference found in men's and women's responses to questionnaires was larger than the difference found in their actual behavior. What they say may reflect social expectations more than personal preferences.)

• Do you feel secure in your ability to love and be loved? Do you avoid getting close and intimate? Are you longing for a relationship, but because of your anxiety and ambivalence, manage to scare potential partners away? Instead of finding faults in their partners, as witnessed by many years of fruitless searching leaving them still unable to find an appropriate partner, people who are searching for love can try to figure out why they respond the way they do to others in general and to candidates for a romantic relationships in particular. Even if awareness does not necessarily imply change, it is an important first step in the right direction.

• Problems in romantic relationships are often related to people's romantic choices, even if these choices are unconscious, and therefore they are responsible for them. King Oedipus understood at the end of his life that although killing his father and marrying his mother were not his fault, still, he was responsible for his actions. We, too, need to take responsibility for our romantic choices even if they are not our fault. Taking responsibility is always a recommended strategy, because it is far more likely to bring about positive change than is blaming the partner. Once people decipher their romantic attraction codes, they can choose to follow the same scripts or alter them. 

It's quite difficult to decipher the coding, deconstruct the content, after selecting such an easy reading template. But I do love the analogy of taking off/landing. Here comes mine:

Our life is full of uncertainties. You never know when and where you will end up be. You project a long stretched future. You have dreams yet realized. You have wishes yet come true. But remember, the whole process and journey is the life itself. Projecting your future and setting goals is like the plane taking off, shooting stars and floating above the clouds. It feels so passionate, so unrealistic, so illusional, but also so self rewarding itself.

Yet the true and realized life, such as the job you get, the lover you find, will land you firmly on to the ground. Passion and excitement will fade away. Desire will come and go. The ground is hard and real, yet boring and not like the dreams at all. But, that is the real life, the one you will look back upon, and yet that is the life you have been through. You won't remember proudly your transient and genius thoughts or once upon a time dream, unless it becomes true and witnessed by others.

Therefore, kiddo, be careful, don't lost in the cloud floating and dreaming. After a while, you will have to land and join the pack. Your feet will touch onto the land and make the real hiking. That's the life you are living. Not the life you are dreaming.

Chelsea