[Mimic#101_nonscientific]Status sonar_Chelsea

Hola~

Let's get this begin before we spent too much time wasting finding the perfect starting course. Just one random paragraph from a book by my side.





Template: [expert from Social Animal by David Brook, 2011, page 203]

The problem is, nobody's status sonar is accurate. Some people are status exaggerators. They wildly inflate their spot in the pecking order. They are sixes but they think they are eights and when they ask out women who are nines they are flummoxed when they get rejected. Other people are status minimizers. These people will never apply for jobs for which they are amply qualified because they assume they'll be crushed by the competition.


First draft: 

The problem is most people's perception about themselves are not accurate. Some people tend to exaggerate their status: they believe they are eights thought they are merely sixes, and they go around asking for women with nines. Apparently they are rejected in such sense. Other people tend to minimize their status, quiveringly hesitating to apply jobs even they are amply qualified for the work. However, because of the poor self image, they could not leap forward.


Compare:

The problem is most people's perception about themselves are not accurate. [The problem is, nobody's status sonar is accurate.]

Some people tend to exaggerate their status. [Some people are status exaggerators.]

[They wildly inflate their spot in the pecking order.]

They believe they are eights thought they are merely sixes, and they go around asking for women with nines. Apparently they are rejected in such sense. [They are sixes but they think they are eights and when they ask out women who are nines they are flummoxed when they get rejected. ]
How concise it is!

Other people tend to minimize their status, [Other people are status minimizers.]

quiveringly hesitating to apply jobs even they are amply qualified for the work. However, because of the poor self image, they could not leap forward. [These people will never apply for jobs for which they are amply qualified because they assume they'll be crushed by the competition.]



Second Draft:
The problem is, nobody's has an accurate status sonar is accurate. Some people are status exaggerators[.] who tends to[They wildly] inflate the[their] spot in a[the] pecking order. Those who[They] are sixes [but they] think they are eights and [when] ask out women that[who] are nines, getting[they are] flummoxed when they are[get] rejected. Some[Other] people are status minimizers. They[These people will] never apply jobs for which they are amply qualified because they assume they would[will] be crushed by [the] competition. 



Highlights:
The problem is, nobody's status sonar is accurate. Some people are status exaggerators. They wildly inflate their spot in the pecking order. They are sixes but they think they are eights and when they ask out women who are nines they are flummoxed when they get rejected. Other people are status minimizers. These people will never apply for jobs for which they are amply qualified because they assume they'll be crushed by the competition.

Comments:
(1) Slow: time consuming and slow progress. But I assume that is the case when starting up;
(2) Trick: not necessary to "memorize"; jot down key ideas aside for assistance; most IMP thing is to write our in your style, compare, learn the words/phrases, incorporate that into your style. "accuracy" is not the goal;
(3) Tone: this is non-scientific tone. 

P.S. We need to build a post for the wording toolbox/database.